"Alan Keyes did an extraordinary job... defending our country against the forces of anti-Americanism... I have never known a more stout-hearted defender of a strong America than Alan Keyes." - Ronald Reagan praises Alan Keyes

"He has propounded the more unpopular aspects of US policy with all the diplomatic subtlety of the cannon burst in Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture." -Newsday on Alan Keyes

Alan Keyes
495px-Alan Keyes speech.jpg
Keyes failing at trying to become President in 2008
Known for: Running for political office as a Republican
Political Party: America's Independent Party (but dependent on Petroleum)

Republican Party

Born 1950

Alan Keyes is an insane nut job from New York. His own party shunned him as the Republican Party thought he was too Conservative. He is very homophobic despite having a lesbian daughter, and is generally a bad human being but definitely an Uncle Tom.

Personal life

Keyes was born in 1950. If he was white his beliefs most likely would be Nazi. Even Sarah Palin appears to be intelligent compared to Keyes, despite the fact that he graduated from Harvard. He most likely was able to due to a glitch in the Universe or through hacks.

When his daughter Maya came out as a Lesbian she had to leave the house in a hurry without any new place to go to. At least she had friends and didn’t have to wander the sidewalks but her family stopped giving her financial support which could have been nasty. Father and daughter both deny that she was thrown out though clearly it was made very uncomfortable for her to stay. Alan Keyes claimed that he had to stand by Jesus. Well making it hard for your child to stay in your home is something Jesus would do. Great logic douche.

In Reagan Administration

Keyes was the 16th Assistant Secretary of State for International Organization Affairs during the Reagan administration. Yeah he basically did some useless job which was his "experience" for running in all other offices.

U.S. Presidential election campaigns (1996-2000)

Keyes ran for President of the United States in both 1996 and 2000. His stance was a conservative stance on steroids. In 2000 he stayed to battle against George W. Bush and John McCain. He was so Conservative that even Utah didn't vote for him.

Illinois Senate campaign, 2004

Keyes went against Barack Obama in his attempt to become a Senator. Keyes was crushed in the largest percentage in Illinois History. Keyes said that Jesus would not vote for Obama. Besides he had never even lived in the state.

U.S. Presidential election campaign, 2008

Alan Keyes ran in 2008 but no one cared. After not getting the Republican nomination he tried to get the Constitutionalist nomination, he failed, and created his own super-conservative party, and still no one cared. Keyes just wanted to be the first Black President of the United States. At least Obama ran because he wanted to change things.

After the 2008 election

Soon after the election in November 2008 Keyes with others started a lawsuit against Obama and tried say that Obama wasn't a naturally born citizen of the USA. The lawsuit failed horribly. Again, at least Obama doesn't get into racist stuff like Keyes does as birthers only seem to be about race. Later in 2014 Keyes said That Obama's pot comments made him like the 9/11 hijackers[1] & in 2016 Keyes said that Obama was The First Anti-American To Ever Occupy The White House & that it was insane to put him there.[2] Well???

The United States is doing better now than it was under George W. Bush. Obama is struggling with a great many foreign problems that happened because Bush destabilized Iraq and the surrounding area.

  • Some people call Bush stupid.
  • Nobody calls Bush Anti-American.
  • Why???

George W. Bush like his father is a WASP. [3] if a dark skinned president made the mistakes Bush made Racists would suspect malice insist it had to be malice.