Michael Pearl
Beware michael pearl.jpg
How to beat up your kids
Occupation: Author, Pastor
Religion: Christian Fundamentalist
President of No Greater Joy Ministries

Michael Pearl is a Fundamentalist Christian who advocates beating the shit out of your kids for the tiniest of reasons, such as not wanting to play with a toy. He wrote the book, To Train Up a Child. Unsurprisingly, this book is most common in Red States such as Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi and South Carolina. RationalWiki has compared the content in this book to Mein Kampf due to its barbaric disciplinary techniques. RationalWiki also mentions a passage from To Train Up a Child where a father (supposedly a backwood redneck-Republican) beat the living fuck out of his 12-month old infant for forty-five minutes straight for not wanting to sit on his lap. A seven-year-old adopted girl in California (yes you heard right, California) was killed by her Fundamentalist father for mispronouncing a word, spanking her across her legs for hours upon end. Her father was abiding by To Train Up a Child and was probably going to continue ruining her life by sending her to Pensacola Christian College where you cannot watch movies and have no freedom whatsoever.

We, the editors on this wiki, WOULD NOT be surprised if Michael Pearl would strike his kids in the face with a hot iron as well as golf clubs just for fun.

Under a Ted Cruz-presidency, he would make child abuse legal and would be the Secretary of State.

President Trump

Under Donald Trump, we suspect he may push for the legalization of child abuse as well as for school corporal punishment, with the help of Betsy DeVos. If so, this is what the corporal punishment law may look like:

"A parent, legal guardian, educator, or principal is permitted to use any physical discipline necessary on children of any age (including newborn infants) for wrongdoings. This includes, but is not limited to: spanking, paddling, physical labor, torture (waterboarding, etc.), kicking, punching, burning, drowning, stabbing and strangulation. The use of karate/Tae-Kwon-Do is also allowed on disobedient children.

Caregivers are permitted to use the following on children for corporal punishment: Bare hands, fists, shoes (spikes, cleats, spurs), belts, wooden boards/paddles, newspapers, books, baseball bats, golf clubs, knives, plastic tubing, metal rods, tree branches, hammers, pepper spray, torches or other house tools.

Other forms of punishment are also permitted: Isolation, starvation, grounding, and abandonment.

Caregivers are permitted to discipline/beat up children and babies for no specific reason if they please."


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