Here we're parodying Conservapedia, and we know we're exaggerating.

Where's your other hand at, Pat?

Marion Gordon "Pat" Robertson is an American far right Christian fundamentalist and the last survivor of the First Crusade. Among other silliness he often tries to tell People that natural disasters are as punishment for Sin. He took over the Republican Party in 1989 when he organized the Christian Coalition, whose ultimate goal is to have America be under Christian Sharia. He believes that separation of church and state is "nonsense" because he still thinks its the 1950s.


Pat Robertson is a ..... that has somehow gotten his own T.V. show on some crappy channel. It is called the 700 Club. [1]

The Sheep that watch Pat Robertson are to busy sitting there being brainless idiots to know any better.

A typical ranting of this lunatic is that lesbians/gays/atheists/Muslims/and just about everyone else who is not a Christian are the decay of western society and they should not be allowed into office.[1]

He is nicknamed 'Oral Roberts' because his broadcasts are akin to the sound of the Devil performing fellatio on a scud missile.

On top of that he claims to be able to help "heal" people by communicating to God on their behalf on his TV show.

There is a particular dislike for the archetypal American televangelist: confident, tanned, and asking for the viewers to send money in. [2]

The British BBC on Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson has said that if a wife is defying her husband. Then he should move her to Saudi Arabia & beat here there.[3] In other words, Robertson claims that wife beating is okay which is as sick as ISIS beheading people.

1988 Presidential run

Pat Robertson even thought of trying to become President of the United States, that's dreadful! Robertson could have been even worse than Dubya!

The five-term U.S. senator from Arizona was equally unimpressed with TV preacher Pat Robertson. When Robertson sought the GOP nomination for president in 1988, Goldwater wasn't about to say amen. "I believe in separation of church and state," observed Goldwater. "Now, he doesn't believe that . . . I just don't think he should be running." [4]

Wacky Beliefs

If marijuana was legalized, maybe Robertson wouldn't be so crazy. Ironically, Robertson advocating for weed legalization is one of the few sane things he believes in. Robertson believes:

  • Haiti Earthquake happened because of a pact with the devil... [5]
  • Women should look hotter so their husbands don't flirt
  • Divorce is ok if your wife has Alzheimer's
  • Christians (people who worship the hippie to the left of Karl Marx) shouldn't join Occupy Wall Street
  • Halloween is "Satan's night".[6]
  • Mitt Romney/Donald Trump would win the 2012/2020 elections respectively. (aight who's gonna tell em?)
  • President Obama was a dictator.
  • Oral sex is only okay if you're married.
  • Global Warming is a hoax because SUVs aren't on Mars... Yup...[7]
  • Gays and liberals want a dictatorship (does he hear himself when he speaks?)
  • Atheists are miserable grinches.
  • Illness comes from bad thoughts
  • Americans are TOO educated (ARE YOU S***ING ME?!?!)
  • Most killers take psychedelic drugs. (tell Whitey Bulger, the tea-totaling gangster who killed 19 people)
  • Dungeons and Dragons destroy people's lives and lead young people to suicide.
  • Gays are like rapists and murderers (folks you can't make this up)
  • Gay marriage will bring god's wrath.
  • Obama is in league with militant Islamists
  • Killing in video games is a sin.
  • Gays use rings to intentionally spread AIDs via shaking hands.
  • Progressives indoctrinate kids (Projection)
  • The Nazis were humanists.
  • People will die from ObamaCare.
  • Trump's Re-election will bring the End Times (that's good to him)
  • Parents should beat their non-religious kids on Christmas (just like Jesus would...)[8]

Nuclear War

Despite claiming to retire in 2021, Robertson's retirement was short lived. After Vladdy Bats illegally invaded Ukraine, Robertson came out of his klan retirement home to claim Putin was compelled by God to invade Ukraine.

Soon later, he demanded that President Biden threaten Putin with nuclear weapons to back down. Robertson has American Invincibility Syndrome to the point he thinks Putin is bluffing and won't retaliate with nuclear weapons.

But what if Vladdy Bats ISN'T bluffing, Pat? Few will probably take comfort in the notion that Biden looked tough as they never see the sun for 20 years, assuming they survive the nuclear exchange.[9][10]


"(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." -(Note: He actually said this!)

While some radical feminists do fit this description, most feminists simply believe that women should get equal pay, protection from harassment, abortion rights and other rational demands. Pat Robertson saw only the bats*** crazy feminists because that's all right-wingers focus on (in truth, some right-wingers get great enjoyment from making normal people bat**** crazy). Robertson most likely views the rational views of rational feminists as the same as the irrational ones.

See also


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