We exaggerate just a little sometimes.
This article is a bit subjective. If you don't like it ... sorry about that.


Republicans are sometimes racist, they don't do enough to help poor blacks or poor whites, Republicans are also usually sexist because the Religious Right is influential among Republicans, unfortunately Evangelical Christians try to keep women in the home and submissive to their husbands. Republicans are partly made up of very rich people and evangelical Christians. Republicans include Rednecks who don't understand the party they vote for harms them. President Trump is a Republican, as goes to show he wants to build a wall, and once made fun of a disabled man. It shames us that he could be so cruel.

George W. Bush, proof of the dangers of electing Republicans

Earlier Republicans

Republicans weren't always bad (as a matter of fact, Abraham Lincoln who was the father of the Republican party would be considered highly Democratic nowadays. Back then, Republicans were Liberal and the Democrats were conservatives). How things have changed.

Rich Republicans

The rich, greedy Republicans (like big buisiness owners) often are ruthless towards people of lower status in Capitalism. A large part of the time, they want to cut taxes for the rich, because they apparently can't *afford* to pay. Instead, they let the very poor go hungry and let illnesses kill or disable their victims (because according to them, health care is "socialism"). Instead of actually helping the poor or even donating a FRACTION of their money, the Republicans say "the poor should rise themselves up". Yeah, because that's an easy thing to do in this economy...

Religious Republicans

Next, we have the over-religious Southerner type of Republicans, the ones who almost regularly oppose many sensible scientific theories because they think the Devil put it all on Earth to refute the "truth". Evolution is one of the biggest scientific theories they oppose. Some Republicans even also oppose Einstein's Theory of relativity because they imagine relativity means the same as moral relativism (according to Conservapedia). These Conservatives mostly live in the Bible Belt, otherwise known as the deep south.

Strange Republican ethics

Well, we know this exaggerates, but there's an element of truth.

Republicans tend to have the most incomprehensible opinions and strange morals. According to them, abortion is wrong but the death penalty is right. Stem-cell research is wrong even though it can help sick people. Letting the rich consume the Earth's natural resources, meanwhile destroying the environment, is right. The worst of them consider hating Jews, Blacks, South Americans, Central Americans, Mexicans, Arabs, Asians, Native Americans, right. Republicans consider building polluting oil wells, trying to shut down some scientific progress, starting batshit-bullshit rumors about Lefties/Moderates/Democrats, suppressing women's rights, telling a rape victim or a pregnant teen she can't have an abortion, letting people roam in the streets ARMED with deadly assault rifles (lack of gun control), or not caring about the hungry, poor people... being moral. They also believe that anybody who doesn't believe exactly what they believe is a Communist who wants to destroy America.


However, during the mid to late 1800s, the term "Republican" was associated with Liberals, such as Abraham Lincoln. Also, the Democrats were conservative. This continued until about the early 1900s, when the Liberals and the Conservatives switched parties. (There still are a few Moderate Republicans around if you look for them.)

To be a Republican

To be a Republican, you must first revere Ronald Reagan almost as if he were a god, and second you must think the world revolves around America. If you refuse to do these things, then you are a automatically a terrorist, according to many Republicans.

To be a Republican you should also embrace the concepts of paternalistic moral guardianship and shameless corporate advocacy. Keep in mind it's not the actual policy to be moral or guard society, but to maintain the pretense of these things while shifting freedom to corporations and the rich and shifting responsibility to ordinary people and the general public.

Make sure its not your friend who makes a fatal mistake at the polls

What they Believe

Don't take everything we write seriously.

A typical Republican.

  • The white male Christian God should be the only object of worship on the planet, except for things that Republicans worship.
  • Power and wealth should remain in the hands of 1% of the world's population while the remaining 99% get by on far less.
  • Health care should be privatized so the poor can't afford basic medication. Universal Health Care is a creation of the devil.
  • Anything that has to do with the government is a creation of the devil. (Exceptions: War, anything governments do that benefits Rich people)
  • A rape victim living on welfare should be forced to care for a baby she didn't even ask for.
    Republican whack.gif
  • The United States is the only real country on Earth and all those other countries they read about are just fakes invented by communists or terrorists.
  • That Ronald Reagan was the greatest U.S. president of all time.
  • That Bill Clinton was the 2nd worst U.S. president of all time, simply because he had sexual relations with that slut.
  • Government should not give handouts to anyone. Exceptions are oil, natural gas, and coal companies, the military, and Wall Street bankers.
  • That the status quo is perfect and ideal (Trumplicans are exempt from that belief).
  • That ex-president Dubya actually knew what he was doing.
  • That Global Warming is a myth, even though almost all scientists agree it is a real and serious problem.
  • That Evolution is a myth. (Conservatives obviously never evolved.)
  • The government should decide what women do to thei own reproducitve organs.
  • That Barack Obama was the worst U.S. president and is the evil communist, terrorist and secret Muslim who wants to destroy our freedom. (Obama's an atheist as well as a Muslim according to Conservapedia. We've no idea how they worked that one out, he's actually Christian, by the way).
  • The Earth was created 5,700 years ago despite overwhelming evidence on the contrary.
  • Tax cuts for the rich.  It's not like they have enough money already.
  • The right to marry is only for heterosexuals.


"For Republicans patriotism ends at the wallet" -from the blog LeftWingConspiracy

Our scientists have failed to find out why Republicans claim that their patriotism is unquestionable and why everyone who has a different opinion on that is Un-American, but they assumed it's got something to do their low IQ. It's not a problem for them when they have to go send other people to war for their country but however, they aren't enthusiastic about paying taxes for it.

Policy wonks?

A wonk is a political geek, so a policy wonk is someone who looks at policies before voting, right? Not according to Republicans!!! To them, THEY are the only policy wonks!

Ever since Obama was elected in 2008, many Republicans have assumed that ALL Democrats only vote based on irrelevant bullshit like gender and colour, but it is unknown whether they mean JUST Democrats or if they mean all lefties (they probably mean all lefties when they refer to "Democrats" cuz most Republicans are SUCH black and white thinkers)... they'll probs push that narrative again if Hillary is elected... except they would be partially right this time because Hillary has pushed the woman card lots of times this Primary season![2]

Republican tactics during an economic crisis

Well, we know this exaggerates, but there's an element of truth.

We imagine the following was taken from Republican book What to do When One of us Screws up (Again). The book was published for ardent Republicans and conservative pundits only, but they were stupid enough to give it to Stephen Colbert thinking he was actually a conservative.

During the Bush presidency

Well, we know this exaggerates, but there's an element of truth.

Do not start a conversation regarding the presidency or the administration, but however, if someone asks you about it, approve silently. (...) If you're alone with only one person and if he/she starts calling the administration corrupt, brand him/her an Un-American. (...) try not to mention the Bush administration and try to change the subject in a conversation regarding it.

What to do regarding the elected Democratic president (Currently Obama)

Well, we know this exaggerates, but there's an element of truth.

Brand the president as a socialist and try anything (regardless of how desperate it is) to make him/her look bad. (...) Try to defend the Republican presidency by blaming the economic crisis on congress and the new president. Fight all efforts to fix the economy so the Democrats don't get to take the credit.



How Republicans evolved

Things Republicans Love With a Passion

Things Republicans Hate With a Passion