Rafael Edward Cruz
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Senator Cruz
Political Party: Republican
Education: Princeton University

Harvard Law School

Religion Southern Baptist (but he could be Fundamentalist)
Born December 22, 1970
Occupation Zodiac Killer

It’s high intelligence in the service of evil. It’s one thing to have evil people who aren’t that bright! There’s a reason why everyone hates Ted Cruz. (Bill Maher) [1]

Rafael Edward "Ted" "Fed up with Up with him" Cruz is a disillusioned, self-centered teabagger from Texas.  Oh and, the Teabagger Texans put him in the Senate.  This sucks for the rest of us, because well, he's a bit problematic.

"Me, Me, Me!"

In Ted Cruz's imagination, people think of him like this...

...but he actually looks more like this.

If the Senate were one hundred egos in a fishbowl, he would be the shark.  He doesn't think much about the wishes of his own Country, or even his party, he just yells "me, ME, ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Fake Filibusters

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He "filibustered" in order to shut down the government in place of Obamacare.  Except technically, it wasn't a filibuster because the vote was scheduled for a specific time anyway. [2]  Instead it was just a Senate floor hogging scam.  At one point, Cruz gave off rhetoric about the middle class needing to be helped by Washington, not just Washington. [3] This is ironic considering that Obamacare helped a lot of these people while Cruz has a political agenda.

Green Eggs and Ham


Ted Cruz Reads Green Eggs And Ham. Ted Cruz Filibuster

He didn't even show the pictures!

He even took advantage of CPSAN to read the Bible and "Green Eggs and Ham" to his daughters as a bed-time story.  He didn't seem to question the government money spent for him to do this while he attacks Democrats for the "wasteful government spending" also known as foodstamps. (CSPAN is privately owned, but Liberapedia isn't sure if Cruz knows that or not.  Also, the Senate costs money to operate). 

However, Cruz's choice of bedtime material is in itself extremely ironic.  For one thing, Dr. Seuss was an awesome liberal.   Also, if Cruz really wanted to get a message across with a book, he should have picked something different.  We never tried Obamacare before, so just like Green Eggs and Ham, we should try it.  Maybe we'll find out that we like it. Rick Santorum later mocked Cruz for this stunt in 2016.[4]


The resemblance is uncanny

It wasn't a real filibuster, but that doesn't stop Cruz from getting more donations. He even had his eyes on the White House for 2016. Ironically, his filibuster actually hurt his chances in 2016. According to Fox News, of all places, his filibuster made him look like less of a serious candidate and more like Herman Cain or Michele Bachmann, costing him the support of large Republican donors. [5] Texas Democratic congressman Joaquin Castro said:

"He wanted to make a big splash and he certainly has but he's done something that I think is unusual which is that he's made Washington worse. He's made the polarization worse and it was really hard to hear Ted speak about representing twenty-six million Texans when he was giving that talk.  Cause there are millions and millions of Texans who are without health care coverage and who very much disagree with his point of view. And who also are looking forward for the chance to get health care coverage. 
And I think another thing it revealed for Ted Cruz... is that he can't be President.  And the reason is nobody will follow him. Even the people in his party won't follow him." [6]

Hijacking Protests

On October 13, 2013, in the midst of the government shutdown he helped cause, Cruz joined Sarah Palin and Utah senator Mike Lee at a 1 Million Veterans march to keep war memorials open.   Crazy Teabaggers showed up with "Impeach Obama" signs and tea party "Don't Tread on Me" flags.

Except they weren't exactly invited to spread their anti-Obamacare message there.  1 Million Vets posted on its website that, "The political agenda put forth by our local organizer in Washington DC was not in alignment with our message. [7]

Cruz got really, really mad about "barricades to keep people out of these memorials." [8]  Which is really, really stupid because he was the one who faux filibustered to shut down the government.

Other Outrageous Things

He also boasts a record filled with crazy conservative actions.  Among them:

  • He wants to abolish the IRS[9]
  • He wants to fight a "dangerous United Nations plan" that would ban Golf courses, grazing and paved roads.  That resolution was actually passed twenty years ago.  We still have paved roads. [9]
  • He thinks that killing undocumented workers is cool. [11]



We do not know who his friends are though there is one person named Craig Mazin who had been tweeting about Cruz before he droped his name in the 2016 ballet.[20]

See Also


  1. Bill Maher Endorses Bernie Sanders
  2. Ted Cruz's Faux Filibuster Ends After More Than 21 Hours
  9. 9.0 9.1
  10. The GOP’s Ted Cruz problem
  17. First on CNN: In TV spot, Cruz calls Rubio 'the Republican Obama'
  18. Cruz: Voters should 'spank' Hillary Clinton
  19. Ted Cruz’s Twitter Account ‘Liked’ a Porn Tweet and the Internet Had Plenty to Say

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